Sometimes I feel like God forces us to be alone.
No matter how hard you try to please people, no matter how hard you try to make connections it just feels futile. Like you are a dry ground and they are somewhere in the clouds. Like there is a huge chasm between you and others that you can’t just seem to build a bridge to. It feels frustrating because it’s scary to be alone. We listen to songs or turn the television on to escape being alone with our thoughts. That is how intimidating it feels to be alone. We want constant reassurances, constant contact, and constant connection. It’s just how life is. We were all made to believe that we are social animals that live in a society therefore we cannot be alone. We are made to believe that we need constant evaluation of who we are and who we ought to be. Constant validation from people because people matter. But what if these constant validations and evaluations have made us lose the essence of who we actually are? It’s an intriguing question because I personally have never thought about it before. I have always thought that the way people perceive me or whether they find me likable is more important than how I perceive myself and whether I like myself or not.
We might tell ourselves that we are content with how we are. But every time we check our phone for that one message or call to come, we feel anxious. It feels weird when we don’t find any new notifications because we feel left out. It feels like you have no one to talk to, no one that needs you, or no one that is willing to spend time with you. Maybe this is why we get so caught up on someone or something when they give us the littlest of attention. We are scared to be alone, unwanted, and disregarded and we are willing to compromise with whatever we can get although deep down we know we deserve better. Because it is better than being alone.
To come to the point, I mentioned at the start, I feel like God forces us to be alone because He wants us to understand ourselves and to be in tune with what we want and who we really are. Yes, it is very hard to be alone because it feels like there is no one beside us that is supporting us or that we are unwanted and ignored. But maybe it is a lesson that we need to learn the hard way in order for us to truly realize who we are and what we are and what we truly deserve. Sometimes I think God forces us to be alone in order for us to learn that we are more important than what others think of us. To tell us that we are more than what people think of us, we are more than the amount of validation and attention others give us. It means nothing if we are not content from within.
I myself don’t like being alone either because I don’t like overthinking and falling into the deep pit of misery. But when the night comes and the notifications stop coming and everyone is in their own world and you are all alone sitting on the balcony watching the city lights, it makes you realize that at the end of the day, you have nothing but yourself. You have no one but yourself. You are the only one that will stay by your side till the day you breathe your last. You are the only one that will be there on the happiest days and the darkest nights. So maybe we should start trying to love being with ourselves. Maybe we should start taking ourselves seriously. Maybe we should consider the way we perceive ourselves and our validations to be more important.
writings of a lost soul 